in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
