worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
