So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
