..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
