Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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