I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize