All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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