Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We just shotgunned beers for America
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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