you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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