drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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