I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
