community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I party with great urgency now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
