haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
