dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
