i permit you to call me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
