i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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