there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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