Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
