dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
