Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize