so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
