I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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