He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
