we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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