maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My cat gives me a boner
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
