if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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