the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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