Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
