Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
