my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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