Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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