I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
