Pappa wants mamma naked
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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