I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
