She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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