Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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