just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
BRING THE BAGELS
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
