Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
