The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
porn star boner night. come get it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
