If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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