i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
only you would photoshop your dick
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
