1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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