Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
