just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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