Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
