He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the raccoons are back...
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