We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
