It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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