I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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