i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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