i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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