and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
