Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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(710): View more from

Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

(320): View more from Minnesota

Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

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(410): View more from Maryland

How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted

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(850): View more from Florida

I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.

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(360): View more from Washington

Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl

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(614): View more from Ohio

You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran

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