You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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