I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
