It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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