So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
