i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
