we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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