Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
