my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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