he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
