I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
