Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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