Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize