I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i believe in u and ur pee
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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