i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
