arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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