His pubic hair was longer than his dick
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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