I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
