Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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