I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
