Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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