Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
