Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
