very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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