Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh god it's open bar.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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