and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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