Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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