I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
