There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
