Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
