I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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