He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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