seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
