I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize