I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
